I'm exhausted in every way possible.

My plan was to stay home tomorrow to do a massive cleaning of the house to try and get rid of any fleas that have managed to get upstairs.

Our roof was fixed this morning and the hole in the ceiling was patched up. While we were waiting for the worker to finish up, DH and I received an e-mail from our boss (my father-in-law) to stop by his house and have our laptops with us.

So here I am sitting at his dining room table while he talks to himself. Now I have to come in tomorrow and I only have the remainder of today to clean.

I hate last minute plans...especially if they ruin my plans that have already been okay'd.

DH and I were up until past 2 in the morning fighting over sex. He wanted it (as he always does right before bed). I didn't. When I get ready for bed, I want to go to bed. I'd be more inclined to have sex with him before bed if he hadn't already taken his sleeping pills...and pain killers. He was literally falling asleep while trying to kiss me. Earlier in the evening, he was obviously in the mood for sex and I told him that I was in the mood, but he walked away from it all. He claims that he had other things to do. That fact is, we weren't in the middle of doing anything. In fact, it was a break between different things. I lost my interest in sex and of course it didn't come back while he tried to seduce me from his drugged state of mind.

He threatened to masturbate to porn if I didn't give him what he wanted AND I had to enjoy it the way he wanted me to.

That just wasn't going to happen, so I just told him to go. Sex means nothing to me now because of these stupid fights. He told me that I'm the most attractive woman he's ever seen, but I'm convinced it's only because he's not himself whenever he wants to pay me any attention.

I don't know what he did when he went downstairs, but I'm so tired of fighting about the same things over and over.

He never remembers what I tell him while he's on those stupid pills.

I hate last minute plans and I hate drugs of every sort. They're ruining my life and the one person I love who's in it.

Everything's piling on me all at once and I just want to curl up in a hole and die.

If this is what married life is supposed to be, I don't think I'm going to make it.

--last || next--

LAST FIVE
New Location - October 18, 2007
Be Still, My Soul - September 17, 2007
Just leave already - September 16, 2007
Changes...I hate them (well, most of them, anyway) - September 14, 2007
Funky Love - September 12, 2007

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