Weekends are way too short. :o( Mine was pretty bad, but I'll get to that later. I'd like to start with the not-so-negative stuff...

So first.... Happy 21st Birthday, little bro! Man, this makes me feel so old. In my mind, he shouldn't even be able to drive yet!

I've had this almost uncontrollable urge to set up the Christmas tree and decorate. I don't know why it is, but it's driving me crazy! I'm almost tempted to go ahead and do it, but I know I'll feel like a doofus later...and then it'll be a lot more work to take it down (only to put it back up again in a few months!). So I think I will take the Christmas decorations out of the box that they are currently in and organize them into smaller, easier-to-carry boxes. Maybe that will stop this crazy urge!

I recently updated my browser to IE7. I love it. The problem is that it reset all of the username/password combos that people gave me to access their diaries. So now I need to dig around in my e-mails and find all of the passwords so I can catch up on my reading for those who are locked up. If I can't find them, I may be contacting some of you... :D Sorry! I think this same thing happened a few months ago when I reinstalled my computer, so I feel a little bad. I've learned my lesson, though. From now on, I'm keeping all of that information in one file on my computer, so I don't have to go online every time this happens.

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Now for the negative stuff...turn away now if you think I complain too much, please.

I'm not even sure where to start, so this might not even fit together.

Saturday afternoon, DH and I had laid down for a nap (a nice long 3-hour nap...ahhh). I know it's time for me to get up when my hips and my back are bothering me so much that I can't get comfortable. I must have been moving around so much that I woke up DH.

When I looked over at him, I noticed that he was bringing his fist down over my head like he was about to hit me.

I'm not saying that he was going to hit me or he was threatening to hit me, just if he miscalculated by an inch, he would have hit me...

Anyway, I asked him not to do it anymore. I can't remember exactly what was said after, but at one point, he said something like, "I'm not doing anything but talking to my soon-to-be ex-wife."

I immediately threw the covers off of myself and got up and put my robe on. I didn't do anything to deserve to be told something like that, so I think I had every right to be upset. I immediately started crying (stupid hormones) and demanded that he explain why he would say such a thing.

He started going on about how I will be the one to leave because I avoid him and don't initiate sex and blah blah blah...

I really thought we had gotten past this the last time this happened. I explained that I don't avoid him. Avoiding him would be sleeping in another room instead of napping with him. I don't initiate sex because I feel like an ugly blimp all the time. I have some kind of bodily discomfort almost 24/7, so that doesn't exactly put me into a cuddly mood.

I still think that he's thinking about divorce way too often...and he puts it on me because he doesn't want me to figure out what he's thinking about.

Anyway, almost immediately after that upset, the cramps started.

To keep a long story short, I called the on-call OB, who told me I needed to go to the hospital to be monitored. It turns out that I wasn't in pre-term labor, which was good. They didn't really say what the problem was, but they did say that if I drink water, it can keep my uterus from becoming irritated, which would prevent the mild contractions I was having.

So I'm okay and the baby is okay. It was a very scary and emotional time for me. I'm still somewhat worried...

I'm convinced it was stress/anxiety-induced, though. I don't know if that's possible, but there is so much going on right now, that I don't need to have DH talking to me about a divorce that I'm supposedly going to initiate.

The phrase "soon-to-be ex-wife" has a lot more weight than "you're going to leave me" because it insinuates that the process has already started.

Would you be alarmed if your SO said such a thing?

Anyway, I'm still a little riled up over it... I don't know what's going on in that head of his. I talked to his father about it and he says that he doesn't think it's anything to worry about.

On top of all this, DH is self-medicating.

Words can't describe how upset I am about this.

He keeps telling me that he wants to get off the meds he's on. I told him flat out that while he's been saying that for a long time now, he has yet to prove it.

Of course, he doesn't feel like he needs to prove anything to anyone.

He found this online pharmacy with a real doctor who will prescribe drugs based off of what you tell him.

I'd buy it if he at least did an over-the-phone interview with a psychologist listening in or something.

Of course, DH fudged his way through the doctor and has now acquired some kind of non-narcotic pain medication and Xanax. Today he received some new drug in the mail.

All he talks about is how much anxiety he has and how these drugs are working miracles.

Whatever he's taking has turned him into some mellowed-out, sleepy, not-like-DH man who I don't like.

I don't even know what else to say about it. I can't believe he has stooped to this level.

I think he has a serious problem. I don't know what it would be called, but there has to be some psychological problem where a person feels like he/she can't function without some kind of medication. The fact that he has completely surpassed his doctor's approval (or even knowledge of what's going on) has to tell him that what he's doing in WRONG.

I honestly don't know what to do. His parents are just as upset as I am and talking to him doesn't do a thing to help.

It's hurting my head just to write about it. I just can't fathom how someone can be so irresponsible and not even care about what those who love him feel about what he's doing to himself. I don't see how he can't be a good father when he's doing things like this and it's really scaring me.

So if you've actually read this far, please pray for him...and me and the baby.

I hope everyone's weekend was much better than mine was.

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