Caesar managed to shut himself in the laundry room this morning. I didn't know he was in there in the beginning. All I knew was that the laundry room door was closed which meant that the kitties (only Augustus as it turned out) wouldn't be able to get to their litter box.

I asked DH why the door was closed and he said that he thought that the Live-In wife was naked in there so he just left it the way it was.

I don't want to know why he thought that she was naked in there.

As soon as I opened the door Caesar came waltzing out. He could've starved to death!!! Actually the Live-Ins were doing laundry, so they would've opened the door at some point anyway. DH said that he'd heard the door close before I came downstairs. Caesar must've pushed the door closed by walking behind it. Poor little guy. He must have been so scared!

I don't have much to write about other than to talk about DH's health problems. Quite frankly, I'm tired of talking about it. And hearing about it. I have no life outside of his illness.

We're not even celebrating our anniversary this year because of it. I mean, we're celebrating our anniversary, but we're not doing anything in honor of our anniversary.

We were thinking about going to Medieval Times, but I don't think we'll even be able to pull that off. It's expensive and it's not very close.

I guess I shouldn't complain. At least we've made it (knock on wood...9 days left) to our second anniversary. I never thought we'd make it this far.

Oh that reminds me of the baby issue.

I was talking online to someone who I met here on diaryland about this situation. I told her about my fears about trying to conceive right now and she told me that this is a time when I need to think about myself and it's okay to do so.

I've decided that I cannot raise a child on my own if something happens to DH. I just don't think I'm strong enough in any way to handle something like that alone.

I do want more than anything right now to have a baby, but this time I need to listen to my head instead of my heart.

My heart is what tells me to jump right and do what I really want to do. My head is what tells me what I need to do...and it's telling me that I need to wait.

I need to wait until DH recovers from the health demon that's plaguing him.

This makes me feel like I need to put off going to school until next fall at least.

I honestly don't know what is the right thing to do when it comes to my schooling. I feel like all of this is going to happen at the same time and I think that would be far too much for me to handle.

I've been trying to make a list of pro and cons for each.

Current Job:
PROS

• cozey desk job


• permanent liberal leave


• higher pay with no schooling


• international travel


• company-paid computer and cell phone (for duration of employment)


• work with spouse


• can bring child to work/potentially begin and run company daycare


• can work from home

CONS

• 73 mile commute one way


• unstable pay


• dislike job


• no set job description, making for lots of extra work


• nearly all men in work environment

Nursing Job:
PROS

• job stability


• short commute


• scheduled work hours


• help people


• enjoyable job


• work with more women


• higher pay than current job


• help DH through health problem

CONS

• cannot work with spouse


• potentially longer (and later) working hours


• cannot bring child with me to work


• need schooling

I don't know. Having a job that I like draws me in more than having a free computer and being able to schedule my own hours. I need a schedule created by someone else. I need rules. I like to follow rules. I don't have that here.

At least I have some time to think this over. DH thinks I'll never go through with it. I don't want to make the mistake of making the decision too quickly, like I did for working here.

I really want to go to school, but the timing is so terrible.

This is the part I don't like about being an adult. My parents don't make my decisions for me anymore. I don't like change, so the easy answer would be to stay here. But I think I need to get out of here.

I need to figure this out.

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