I spent Wednesday with him in his hospital room because we thought for sure that he would be transferred to Baltimore early on in the day. We were partly right. We were told that he'd be transferred that night. I was upset, so my mom stayed the night at my house with me. Around 10 p.m. that night, DH called me from his original hospital room. First he told me that they'd spoken with the wrong doctor. He changed a consonant in the doctor's real name to make it into some similar sounding name. I called his bluff. Then he told me that they didn't want him. I called his bluff yet again. Finally he told me that the transport vehicle hadn't arrived yet and that they'd come around 11 p.m.

At approximately 2:30 a.m., he called saying that he finally was there. He said that they didn't show up until sometime between midnight and 1 a.m.. I was actually surprised that it took so long. But I was glad he was there. That meant that he could have his pain medication and maybe he could get some rest.

I didn't go to bed until around 3:30 a.m. simply because I couldn't sleep. I think I'd been falling asleep for about an hour when he called again and we talked for about 30 minutes. He told me that he didn't like the hospital and that 2 nurses got into a spat right in front of him.

Almost every single person who has tried to put in an IV has told him that it's very difficult to find his veins. Usually 2 or 3 people have to give it several tries before they call in a tech who does blood work or someone who works in the emergency room. This time, they called in a girl who did blood work. She refused to put in an IV because he didn't have his band for that hospital.

Okay, fine. I'll just say the hospitals because it's hard trying to keep them apart. The first hospital was the Chambersburg Hospital, the one he's in now is the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore. There.

The blood work lady refused to put in an IV because he didn't have a wrist band for the University of Maryland hospital. He still had his Chambersburg band on and he had his ID with him, but she just didn't want to do it. The other nurse said that the machine that printed the wrist bands was broken, so she couldn't get one for him right then. She did wind up doing it eventually (putting in the new IV site, I mean), but she wasn't happy about it.

My dad says that he called sometime between 7 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. and that I picked up the phone and talked to him. I don't remember it at all, which is a little scary. I don't think I've ever had that happen before. It just goes to show how out of it I've been.

That night, I had e-mailed my father-in-law (and boss) and cc'ed my mother-in-law with an e-mail trying to state what kind of mental state I was in.

I�m a little bit of a mess right now, so please bear with me.

My mom�s staying the night with me tonight because I�m having a really difficult time staying here alone for so long. While [DH]�s in Baltimore, I�ll be staying at their house so the commute�s shorter and I�m not all by my lonesome. I�ll return home to take care of the cats and make sure everything�s as it should be, but I just can�t spend another night alone.

I need you to tell me if I should come to work tomorrow (I guess it�s today now)�and when. I�ve been worrying myself so much that I can hardly sleep. I have to take Mom home at some time before evening. But with [DH] being transferred, I just don�t know what to do. My mind is running a million miles an hour and it�s put me into some kind of dazed stupor.

I know that you guys are having a difficult time, too. He�s your little boy. But you guys have each other. Right now my big strong man who protects me isn�t here and somehow I feel like I need to protect him now�and he�s scared and that makes me even more afraid.

So sorry about this. I�m not a very strong person.

Daddy T responded, saying (editing out the unnecessary parts),

Short answer: Yes, go to work early today and leave for Baltimore at 3pm. If you want, I can take you. Take tomorrow off. Spend tomorrow and the rest of the weekend in Baltimore.

Long answer: While I was sure there was not going to be anything happen quickly yesterday I recognized [DH]�s �need� for you to stay in Chambersburg Hospital.

It was a poor decision and a waste of �limited�(15 days) paid time-off. The part of growth to adulthood is recognizing �want versus need�, which only really happens through experience.

When the surgery occurs, it is truly a life threatening event. After all we have been through, I am confident that surgery is also essential for Brian�s survival. I truly see no other way, and I am confident it is only a matter of time before his intestine perforates.

Today, I think it makes sense to go to work early and leave mid afternoon to go to Baltimore. He will have gotten settled some and hopefully gotten some rest.

Late today [DH] will emotionally need family support. I plan on going to visit this afternoon and evening and plan on taking the family tomorrow. Tomorrow, and this weekend, I think you should plan on spending in Baltimore.

For everyone in the real world they have a limited amount of sick leave/paid time-off. The lax policies we have had at work have not been good for anyone, it sets up unrealistic expectations, and provides poor motivation, and lower than actual feelings of self worth. While I was trying to do something good I don�t believe, in retrospect, it was good for anyone. The lack of structure reduced the effectiveness and drive of each and every employee. It is 100% my fault and I am fixing it this year. But, part of that, is limited paid time off of 15 days for each person. While short term disability will be legitimate for Brian, it won�t be for you, and it is important that I don�t let you get in a situation that you don�t quite foresee. Policies are put in place to be blind to who a given person is for the purposes of fairness to all.

I understand what he's saying, but I don't think he knows how intelligent I am and how I've already thought these things out. What's urgent to him is not urgent to me. My husband is going to come before my work. Period. I know that he's trying to make our workplace into what it should've been years ago. I told him over and over before that I need the structure and discipline of the rules he's enforcing now.

15 days is a lot of paid sick/vacation time for me. I don't get sick that often. I didn't even take a vacation last year. I really don't care what he says, I am more than willing to use my vacation days to see DH when he's in the hospital. He told me before that Boob could take all 15 days to take his big long vacation that he wants. Why I can't I take 5 of mine to stay with my ill husband, HIS son?

He has not been very kind to me when it comes down to it. I almost feel like he's trying to keep me away so he can have control over everything that goes on. He has no say in what happens to DH, should he not be able to make his own decisions. Whether he likes it or not, I have that control and I know better what DH wants than what his dad knows. Mommy T finally realized, after seeing my e-mail, that I was suffering. She said that she thought that she was the only one who was having such a difficult time dealing with everything that's going on. She finally today offered to help me with anything that might come up. I keep putting her off, but kindly, saying that it's okay and I don't need anything. I think she's hurt that I'm staying with my parents instead of her, but they are my parents and they comfort me better than she ever will. I've kept in mind that DH is their first-born son and he always will be, but when we got married, they entrusted his care to me. I need them to let me take care of him and they need to trust me to do a good job. And considering everything that's happened, I think I've done a damn good job.

And I am not staying in Baltimore. Sorry, but I won't feel safe staying there alone. There's a very high crime rate in that city and I'm just not gutsy enough to stay there. But, with the room DH is in now, I could probably stay the night with him in the hospital, but I won't. He needs rest.

Anyway... We left work early on Thursday and visited DH. When we first arrived, he wasn't talkative at all and he was just staring into space. I think it had to do with 3 things: nerves, boredom, depression. I helped him figure out how to get his television working and he seemed to perk up and start talking again. Other than being told that he'd be having surgery mid-morning, that's all that really happened that night.

Yesterday, though, was the big day. I was originally going to be driving myself down there by 9 a.m. so I could see him before he was taken away. I guess my mom and dad talked about the whole situation because when I got up in the morning, my mom told me that she had 2 propositions for me. She told me that she could drive me down there, leave after the surgery was over, then my dad could come by after work and take me home (and he'd be there with me during the surgery, too). Or, I could drive my mom and she'd go home with my dad and I'd drive home alone. I wasn't supposed to be riding with anyone at first. My mom wasn't even going to be there. But I'm glad she changed her mind.

I thought about it while I took a shower and got ready to go. I decided that I liked the first option. It would make it so I wouldn't have to drive at all. Anyone who knows me knows that if there's a chance that I can get out of driving, I'll take it.

My mom and I made it to the hospital at 9:05 a.m. When we got up to his room, he was still there and so was Mommy T and one of DH's brothers. Daddy T was late, of course. At about 10 a.m., someone came in and told DH that they were ready to take him and that he needed to go to the bathroom and take off his underwear before transport arrived. She told the rest of us that we needed to take his belongings with us out of the room because he wouldn't not be returning to the same room.

We were put into the surgical family waiting room at 10:40 a.m. My father went straight the family liaison registration desk to let them know that we were there. I told my mom that I absolutely knew that he put his own name down to receive all the details, so she and I went over there to clarify that I was the wife. They said that it was a good thing that we came over.

We were told that the surgery would take anywhere from 1 1/2 to 3 hours to be completed. They said they'd start with a LAPROSCOPY, which is where they create several small incisions and take a scope around inside to explore. They said that if they didn't find any abnormalities, they'd call in Dr. G and he'd take a scope down his throat and "telescope" the intestine to do a thorough examination. After that, they would create a larger incision (probably 4 inches long) and remove the small bowel to finally remove the abnormality. If that incision didn't work, they would have to make a much larger incision (like a foot long!). Worst case scenerio, he'd have the scope in his throat, a huge abdominal incision, a catheter, NG tube, and a colostomy bag when it was all over. Worst case scenerio.

It didn't sound very pleasant at all.

Throughout the time that we were waiting, nurses and surgeons were supposed to come out and let us know how the surgery was going. I'm surprised I didn't have a heart attack because every time I saw someone wearing scrubs and other surgical attire, my heart would leap straight up into my throat. None of them ever stopped to talk to us, though. Eventually the family liaison nurse called the surgeon and told us that DH did wonderfully and that they were almost finished.

That was 2 hours after surgery was supposed to have started. Almost another hour passed. I had dozed off on the bench where we were sitting. Something inside of me stirred (maybe it was my subconscious hearing people talking) and I sat straight up. The surgeon had just sat down when I woke up. Good timing. He was a young guy. Very nice. Very thorough.

I'll tell you what... those where the longest 3 hours of my entire life.

He told us that DH did very well, that they found the divericulum (it really was there!) and that they removed it without having to make the largest incision. He said that the diverticulum was twisted or kinked (I can't remember his exact words). He also said that he was not on a colostomy bag, but if they did discover leaking in the place where the intestine was pieced back together, he would have to have one, just not permanently. He said that the part of the intestine before the diveritculum was large and open (my dad thinks that meant that it was damaged) and that the part after was very narrow.

I will be writing a letter, not a nasty one, to the GI doctors in Chambersburg to tell them that a diverticulum was found and surgically removed. Now I know for a fact that and x-ray and barium x-ray will not always show a stricture in the small intestine. A Meckel scan will not always detect the diverticulum (although he didn't specify what kind it was...I'm still assuming it was Meckel's since I didn't read any of his symptoms on any other type). The opposite of all of these things, Dr. D told me were true. I more want Dr. H to know that he is a wonderful doctor and that he made the right decision in transferring DH to Baltimore.

After DH was in recovery for a while (and my mom, dad, Daddy T, and the brother had left), Mommy T and I were allowed to go to the surgical recovery area to see him. He didn't look very good. He was moaning from the tremendous pain. I could tell when he was in a lot of pain because his heart rate would shoot up, as would his blood pressure. We were allowed 10 minutes every hour to go see him. For the 6 o'clock hour, we were told that our names were not on the list of people who would be escorted back down to the recovery area. I thought maybe it was because they were getting his room ready. An hour passed and we were told that no one would be allowed in recovery for an hour because everyone was in the middle of a shift change.

I laid down for another short nap. I had good timing again because as soon as I sat up, someone had just walked up to us and asked, "Why are you still sitting here?" Mommy T and I were confused because we didn't know who this man was. Then I looked at his face and listened to his voice and figured out that the man was Dr. R, the surgeon who we'd just talked to hours before. He didn't have his hat on and his hair was white and he was bald! No wonder we didn't recognize him. His face looks young, but his hair says otherwise.

Dr. R told us that DH had been in his room for an hour already. No one even told us! We packed up our stuff and headed up there.

His room is huge and he has it all to himself. His recovery nurse put him on a medicine pump. He would give himself DELAUDID every 10 minutes. Even if he pushed the button before 10 minutes was up, no medicine would be released. They say that's because they want to prevent self overdose.

Before I left, I told asked DH if he wanted me to come see him today. He said he didn't know (which is usually his shy way of saying yes). I told him that he needed his rest, so I'd go back to our house and take care of the cats and do some chores. I told him to ask the nurse to call me if he wants or needs me to be there and I'll come down right away. He said okay, but I'm not sure if he'll remember. I'll go back down there to see him on Sunday after church.

I really hope his dad holds off visiting him today. He talks really loud and he doesn't have a very uplifting personality. The last thing DH needs is another reason to be scared. Daddy T has already told us about the horrors of infection in that kind of surgical wound.

So I guess that's the whole story. I probably left some things out, but I'm still sleep-deprived. I guess we'll find out in due time if this operation did the trick. DH said that the first thing he wants to do is going out on a real date with me when he gets better.

I absolutely cannot wait!

--last || next--

LAST FIVE
New Location - October 18, 2007
Be Still, My Soul - September 17, 2007
Just leave already - September 16, 2007
Changes...I hate them (well, most of them, anyway) - September 14, 2007
Funky Love - September 12, 2007

*HUGS* TOTAL! give tootiturtle more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own