Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to a friend's wedding. I haven't really kept in touch with her through the years because while I've offered a listening ear and someone to hang out with, she's never taken up my offer. A couple weeks ago DH and I got together for dinner with her and her fiance so I could meet him. She's having a really small wedding. I think she said 30 people would be there. I feel a little guilty because I think she only invited me just because I invited her to my wedding. She explained that it was important to her that I be there because my opinion does matter to her...but I'm skeptical. I hope someone more important doesn't miss out on attending her wedding because of my presence. :o(

I'm feeling a bit emotional/down and out at the moment. DH and I had a low-key argument after we had sex for the first time in weeks...

I haven't been in the mood for intimacy of any kind. I'll talk to him, but I have no interest in sex or snuggling because being confined makes me feel worse.

He's completely unsympathetic, which is completely unfair after all of the crap that I've deal with in the 4 years that he was so sick.

He said that sometimes we have to have sex when we really don't want to. That might be the case for me, because I still have to have sex whenever he wants it. Never has he given in to me when he hasn't wanted it but I was going crazy for it. And now that I'm physically ill, I still have to give it to him when he wants it.

And now I hurt.

After that, we "fought" about my morning sickness and the fact that I've missed work so much since it started. He said that people go through this all the time and don't miss work. He doesn't know that some people don't experience it at all...some experience it just at one time of the day...some experience it worse than I do because they actually vomit. I have it all day long, every day. I don't get a break from it. Eating crackers doesn't help at all.

The people at work have no freaking idea how miserable I am when I go to work. The only other female who works there didn't experience morning sickness. My father-in-law keeps telling me that his wife says that crackers will fix everything.

Well, they don't. All they do is make me thirsty and they get caught on the way down, which has negative results. I've tried drinking fruit juice and I've tried eating sandwiches. So far the only thing that works is to eat some kind of meat. I had corned beef hash this afternoon and it didn't taste bad. Chicken works, too, but DH doesn't like chicken, so we don't have any in the house.

Anyway, I have no motivation for going into work. When I get there, I have nothing to do. I don't even get paid for showing up. I'm owed something like 9 or 10 weeks worth of paychecks.

It stresses me out to go to work. I can't handle it. No one knows how all of this is making me feel. I can't quit my job now because I won't be able to get insurance elsewhere...because my pregnancy is a pre-existing condition.

Trying to explain this to DH made me cry. After I finished talking he just walked away and when he came back he acted like we weren't discussing anything at all.

I know for a fact that he will relay everything I said to his father-in-law and I will have to speak to him about it...which will do nothing but make me feel worse.

Maybe my emotions are getting the best of me, but I just plain feel like I need a nice long cry.

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