Saturday I did a few loads of laundry and cleaned up a little bit. DH sealed off the basement door with painter's tape. Those doggone fleas still aren't dead. We've bombed the basement twice. It's been bombed a total of three times and while there might be less fleas, they're still not gone. The former live-ins took some fleas with them to their new house. hahahaha!!! I know that's mean, but I was really hoping that they'd get plagued by the tiny boogers, too. The fleas still haven't ventured up into our living area, so I'm pretty darn sure that we're not the culprits who brought them inside.

Dr. Seuss called Saturday night. I haven't talked to her in a long time. Part of me didn't want to talk to her after finding out that she'd not told me some vital infomation about her split from her husband. Part of me wanted to talk to her to see if she'd tell me. She didn't. I asked her how things were going...asked about her husband...asked about her son...asked if her husband's being nicer... and nothing. So I just gave up and moved onto other things. I think she'd originally called to ask me if I'd come to the next "Girls' Night Out". DUH! Of course I will. I don't think I was ever invited to the last one. Or I was but couldn't go. I kind of feel like I don't fit in with the group in anymore because I've been so bad at keeping in touch. Anyway, Dr. Seuss told me that Scoop had mentioned that she wanted the girls to go out to a bar on our next girls' night. Part of me feels like that would be fun and part of me is a little nervous about it. I'm sure I'd behave myself. I told her that I haven't drank in months because of that last hangover I had. I didn't think DH would like the idea, but when I asked him, he said it would be fine with him. Somehow I wound up volunteering our home for our night. I think I said that I'd feel safer if everyone drank at someone's house. That way no one will have to drive anywhere and we could all crash for the night. I told her that we have a bunch of alcohol that we haven't touched. She liked that idea, but she told me that Scoop might want to have it at her house (which would be cool because I haven't see it yet!). I probably wouldn't stay the night because I have separation anxiety whenever I can't go to bed with my husband. She called again last night...why doesn't she call my cell phone? Anyway, she called again and I missed her call, so I'll have to give her a call tonight to see what's going on.

Yesterday I visited my parents. I love going over there. My mom and I talked for a few hours about everything under the sun. I told her about some things that I was disappointed about with my wedding. Surprisingly, she agreed with me and had the same feelings. I told her that DH was disappointed with the reception. He wasn't nasty about it when he told me, but she took it personally. I honestly thought that the reception went really well. Back to the thing about our wedding... she seemed to be hurt by the fact that I never really took the time to sit down with her and plan the wedding.

I was never the kind of girl who was dreaming about her wedding day since she was 5 years old. I dreamt of my dream man, but never my wedding. I think it was immature of me to allow myself not to get involved and I do regret that. But we only had 6 months to plan the wedding and during that 6 months we were buying and building a house, moving, working, trying to fit in some alone time. I didn't feel like I really had the time or the energy to plan.

My only qualms for the entire day were A.) I turned off the mic when I started singing, B.) the sanctuary was bare at the front, so it doesn't look very good in the wedding photos (I think everything was spaced out too much), and C.) the labels on the drink machine at the reception were mixed up. None of it was really a big deal. Apparently my father-in-law made it very clear during the reception that he was very disappointed. Because of what he said (I didn't hear it), many people lost all respect for him. Since I know him, I'm pretty sure that whatever he said was very rude and it was intended that way.

I think it's more important that the people I love showed up to share in my day with me than it was that the tangible things of the day were perfect.

I didn't mean to go off on a tangent. As I was saying, I never dreamt of my wedding. I dreamt of having a husband. So I didn't mind too much that people took over. I think our budget was a little too small, but that's okay. Lavish isn't okay for me.

Someone asked me if I am still going to be a nurse.

Well, it took the college 2 months to get my application to me, so it gave me a lot of time to sit down and think about my priorities.

Right now my top priority it trying to lower my stress levels. It affects me, it affects DH, it affects the rest of my family, and it's just plain not healthy.

Nursing is something that I really want to do, but it's probably something that I have the rest of my life to do. I don't want to wait until I'm 50 to be a nurse, but I'm in no hurry right now. The earliest that I would start is next fall. If I get pregnant before next fall, I will put it off. If I don't, then I'll start school...that is, if we are financially sound.

I have decided that I will definitely be quitting this job next spring. It will take a miracle to make me stay. My boss is a royal jerk (I love how I talk about him like he's different people) and I feel like I could go insane at any second. I think that things are run entirely the wrong way around here. I feel disrepected and underappreciated. I'm not trained for this kind of job, which is irresponsible on his part because he's made no effort to train me. I can't handle the stress of knowing about the money problems. I can't handle the stress of telling people that they won't be getting paid again.

This job is just not for me and if it weren't for that stupid contract that I signed 2 1/2 years ago, I give my two weeks notice today.

I also can't handle the guilt of now knowing that I practically forced my way into having this job. I try to tell myself that no one told me to wait to quit my other job...that they told me that they wanted me to work here... But I've also been told by two big people in my life that I wasn't needed yet and I can in anyway.

I feel too guilty. If I quit, that's enough extra money every year to do one week of payroll.

So my priorities are the following:

1. Take care of myself for my own sake, for the sake of my marriage, and for the sake of my future family.
2. Start a family.
3. Quit my job here and find another elsewhere (even though I won't be paid as much).
4. Study to become a nurse if 2 hasn't yet happened.

So to answer the question, yes I still want to do nursing, but it's not the most important thing for me right now.

Grandma is home from the hospital. I talked to her last night and she still doesn't know why she was bleeding internally. God forbid that there's another mystery diagnosis in the family...

I guess that's it. I'm not in a very happy mood today.

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

--last || next--

LAST FIVE
New Location - October 18, 2007
Be Still, My Soul - September 17, 2007
Just leave already - September 16, 2007
Changes...I hate them (well, most of them, anyway) - September 14, 2007
Funky Love - September 12, 2007

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