Usually when I got this long (or longer) without writing, it means that something bad has happened. I'm actually happy to say that life is looking up instead of down!!!

I had to reformat my computer about a week ago, which is part of the reason why I've been missing in action. I have that up and running and I'm actually pretty anxious to catch up on my reading...but I still haven't retrieved that password combos for the locked diaries yet. I don't think I'll do that today because I'll probably lay down for a nap after this, which will make me useless for pretty much the rest of the day. Maybe tomorrow!

I think I'm ready to talk some more about what's going on with DH and I.

On Friday August. 31st, he saw his primary care physician (Dr. A) to discuss his anxiety. He did not tell Dr. A that he had already been self-medicating, but he did tell him all of the research he had been doing and that he had talked to a new short-term co-worker of ours who has a serious anxiety disorder (worse than mine...which I'll talk about some other time). Dr. A has put DH on Zoloft, which is used for anxiety as well as depression, and he's keeping DH on the Vallium. The only reason I say "keeping" is because I was unaware that DH had already put himself on that as well. Fortunately, he was already doing the dose that the doctor has now prescribed him, which makes me feel a little better. Dr. A told him that he would not prescribe Xanax as well because Vallium and Xanax are the same kind of drug or something like that.

So DH has agreed that he will not continue to self-medicate with the Xanax and will follow the doctor's orders. He's still taking that non-narcotic pain medication that he prescribed for himself (for the pain in his neck, which the Vallium is supposed to help), but he assures me that as this next appointment, he will talk to Dr. A about options for relieving that pain. I guess I can deal with that, but I am watching him like a hawk...

Saturday, my younger bro came over to hang out. I dragged him to the mall with me to help me pick up my anniversary stuff for DH and to get paint. Well, I got the gift(s), but the Sears at the mall up here didn't have a paint department. ARGH! So another week without being able to work on the nursery.

We celebrated our anniversary on Labor Day. We went for a short walk (another new thing that DH has started on his own), then to his parents' house to take care of their pets while they are away on vacation. We had no way to get in the house! The garage door that is usually unlocked happened to be locked (and we didn't have a spare key...well, we did, but it was back at our house and we didn't know we didn't have it with us). These people have a freakin' zoo: a kitten, 5 fish, 2 exotic birds, a bunch of lizards, and a bunch of snakes...fortunately, their 4 dogs were placed in a kennel for the duration of the trip, and someone was taking care of their 5 horses. I happened to have the phone number for someone in the neighborhood, so I gave her a call. She and her daughter came over and helped us find the one window (second-story window, to boot) that they forgot to lock. She had to cut through a screen, coax the window open, crawl through, and then crawl through another window to get into the kitchen because the doors to get out of the first room were locked!!!

Jeezy peezy.

The pets are all peachy keen and rosey. I'm glad we finally got in. I kept picturing the graveyard my in-laws would be coming home to.

After that fun fiasco, we were going to go to Cluggy's to play miniature golf. DH was willing to go, even though it's not an activity he likes and never will do it with me. I had started cramping again, though. I told him that it wouldn't be a good idea to spend more time in the heat. He took me home and wouldn't leave me alone until I called the doctor. After drinking 2 glasses of water, I finally called, but the cramps were going away. The doctor told me to keep drinking water and if they didn't go away, I should call her back.

Well, they disappeared. :)

Continuing our anniversary celebration, we went to Sakura for dinner. It was pretty tasty. It was almost as good as my favorite hibachi steakhouse. We then went to the movies and saw The Nanny Diaries, which I thoroughly enjoyed!

I gave DH his anniversary gift and his cards on our actual anniversary date. As expected, he didn't do a thing for me. I'll take his non-complaining the day before as a gift. He never wants to do what I do, so I was thankful that we could do things that we both enjoyed for our anniversary. It's taken 3 years, but he's finally catching on, I think...

Oh...I forgot to mention that DH agreed to see a therapist. His initial appointment wasn't supposed to happen until the end of the month.

Well, on Wednesday, his therapist called saying that he had a cancellation and could fit him in that afternoon, if it wasn't too short notice for DH. What a pleasant surprise!

All I can say is that I've been in near-shock ever since he got back.

*suck it up, Tooti* Happy tears are on their way... :)

He's been nothing but an angel to me since he saw that therapist (who thinks that DH is on the correct meds right now). The doc told him that he grew up in a very dysfunctional family and that the things that DH was used to in family life were not normal at all.

Because the brain develops the most during childhood, his brain has been "programmed" (for the lack of a better word) according to the way his parents treated him and one another.

I partly agree with that, but I think if someone wants it badly enough, they can re-program to some extent. It would take a lot of willpower and work, but I do believe that things that like are possible.

Anyway, DH spent all day Thursday telling me how much he loves me and appreciates me and all that I do. He actually apologized for the way he's treated me and he knows that it's not right. He actually admitted to and apologized for verbally abusing me. He said that he doesn't want to leave me and he doesn't think that I will leave him, and he will try as hard as he can to not bring up divorce anymore...because it's not normal to do that in any argument. He's not yelling anymore...

He told me that I'm a great wife and the perfect woman for him and that I'm going to be the best mother. Words can't describe how awesome it felt to hear those words come from his mouth.

My mother came over yesterday to help me clean up the house and DH stayed off of his computer and actually helped the entire time. He even apoligized for the things he's said to her and said that he cherishes their MIL/SIL relationship and he doesn't want to debate or do anything that would not bring them closer. My mom told me before she left that she likes the new DH.

I do too. I hope this is a permanent change. I actually feel like I'm worth something now. I hope that if it is permanent, I can be just as good to him as he is being to me...

--last || next--

---