I think it has to do with PMS. And I'm positive that part of it has to do with the fact that I haven't had sex in almost a month. And I'm convinced that DH is playing hooky today.

There is a direct relationship between how I feel about myself and the frequency that we have sex. Because he rarely compliments me, the only way I know that he's still attracted to me is if we have sex. Heck, even if he kissed me right now, I'd be happy. A month is a long time in my book. A nice long amount of time for my self-esteem to just dwindle away. For a confidence boost, I used to go to various networking websites and post the sexiest photo of myself that I could find (in my opinion) and I'd just let men (and some women) throw their compliments at me to their hearts' content. The gratification was temporary, but at least it seemed like someone wanted me. That was not as bad because I wasn't married yet. I cannot allow myself to resort to that again. It's not right. But I'm starting to get antsy. You can't conceive if you don't have sex, you know? What's a married girl to do???

I swear up and down that he's feigning illness today. There is a certain way he acts and doesn't talk. While we were laying in bed this morning, he woke me up and told me that he'd be working from home today. He said that his stomach hurt really bad and he thinks he's nauseous. And he hopes he doesn't throw up again. Isn't too much offered info a sign of dishonesty?

First of all, when he's really feeling bad, he won't tell me.

Second of all, when he's feeling bad, he won't bother waking me up...he'll just keep sleeping and I'll find how out how he's feeling when I try to wake him up.

Third of all, he knows that I have to be at work today. He did this a couple weeks ago. When he's really feeling bad, he tries to get me to stay home with him to take care of him. He practically turned on the car for me this morning. And of course, that incident a couple weeks ago resulted in me finding that mysterious restaurant in the recent destinations list on our GPS in the car he drives a couple days later. I can't help but feel a little suspicious (Also a result of no sex? I dunno.)

I wouldn't be so bitchy about this if he didn't make the rest of us feel like any health problems we aren't worth taking a day off of work. He ridicules me to my face and everyone else behind their backs like a migraine headache is nothing compared to what he's been through.

And oh gosh...not to mention the reactions of the people here at work.

He says that his stomach hurts really bad and everyone here is like, Aww...I hope you feel better. Please let me know if there is absolutely anything you need.

When I had the headaches that made me vomit, everyone else said, Oh. Well make sure you're here tomorrow. And here's something I need for you to do from home. I need it now. And you need to call Jane for payroll [because it's your job and I don't want to do it myself]. Okay, so that last part in brackets really wasn't said, but the rest is true.

I'm so fed up with all this. I've been faking good moods for the last week so I didn't write this entry.

I've been having mini anxiety attacks all day.

I need a freakin' hug.

--last || next--

LAST FIVE
New Location - October 18, 2007
Be Still, My Soul - September 17, 2007
Just leave already - September 16, 2007
Changes...I hate them (well, most of them, anyway) - September 14, 2007
Funky Love - September 12, 2007

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