I'm a huge ball of emotions right now. I'm going to try and just go in the order of things. This entry's gonna be a long un', I reckon.

I last wrote about a week ago and I was fighting off a pretty nasty cold. I guess I mostly didn't write because everyday it would've been "I'm still sick. Blah blah blah..." and I think I hate writing that more that you hate reading it.

Well, I'm still sick. Haha.

I'm not as sick, but I still have a cough that keeps me up at night. It's like everyday starts a new cycle. I wake up feeling groggy, sore, and unable to breathe. Come afternoon, I'm just starting to feel comfortable. Come evening, I'm feeling pretty much my normal (except for the cough) and I'm wondering why I was complaining earlier. Then I go to bed and start the whole thing over again. It's not fun, but I know things I'll be back to 100% eventually.

Christmas was nothing too special this year. DH and I jumped the gun again and gave each other our gifts a day or two early. Actually, he kinda forced me to give him his gift, but not really.

Last Friday we were given the day off work. DH insisted that he had to go in because he had to pick up a package. I pried and pried and finally he told me that it was a Christmas gift. I told him that if it was for me, it could wait until after Christmas when we went back to work. That was not going to happen.

He wouldn't give me anymore details, so my mind wandered and I'd convinced myself that he'd gotten me something living...and I thought it was hamsters. Don't ask me why because I really don't know.

When he got home, it was a bouquet of beautiful red tulips and some kind of white flower that I have yet to identify. He also got me a green tea spa set that was more green tea than spa stuff, but that's okay. Green tea smells good.

The what was written in the card that came with the flowers is now being carried around with me everywhere I go. It was so sweet that it made me cry. He never says things like this:

[Tooti], I love you so much; the last 2 years of our marriage have been amazing. I really am too lucky to have found you and am blessed to be able to build a family together. Merry Christmas!! Love, [DH]

*sniffle*

Because he gave me my gifts, I felt obligated to go ahead and give him his gift. So he didn't really force me...the situation did! It got him a subscription for xbox live. It came with some points for future games and a headset and an expired coupon for a game. Poopoo. I didn't know it had all that extra stuff, but I can't believe they left an expired coupon in there.

Last Saturday was my mom's side of the family get-together. DH and I got in a fight beforehand, so I wound up going alone. I was planning on lying to everyone about why he didn't come...that he had stomach problems. But while I was in car on the way to my Aunt's house, I accidently called my parents while I was messing with my bluetooth headset. My mom asked if Brian was with me and when I told her no and she asked why, I broke down in tears for the first time. I won't go into what the fight was about, but when I got home, he was being super sweet and he didn't hold it over my head. He really has changed...I just don't know why.

I enjoyed myself at the get-together, but it would've been much more fun if he'd been there.

The live-ins stopped by twice without calling first on Christmas Eve. We just ignored the doorbell. I was always worried that if they moved up here they'd do that, and I was right. I'd seen them just the night before at Wal*Mart because I stopped there on the way home to get much needed cat food and pantyliners. They knew that I was sick because they could hear it. I guess that assumed that we weren't going out anywhere because of something I said and they just took it upon themselves to stop by without notice. Poopoo on them. That's rude and I won't take it. Merry Christmas.

Christmas was uneventful, which is a blessing. We relaxed and watched movies together. While it rained all day and nothing magical happened, it was a relatively nice day that I could spend with my favorite person in the world.

We were sick and stayed home from work on Tuesday. Tuesday night we couldn't sleep, so we stayed up all night and left early Wednesday morning for Baltimore.

DH had his second capsule endoscopy at a major medical center in Baltimore. Not Hopkins. Dr. G himself got DH all set up. While the capsule was running its course we went to visit Grandma at her home just 30 minutes away. It wasn't much of a visit because since we'd stayed up the night before, we zonked out for 2 or 3 hours. All in all, the day went on without a hitch.

Thursday was very uneventful. We slept in really late by accident and didn't go to work again because we were still sick.

Today (Friday) was the kicker. DH woke up with some stomach pain and called his primary care physician to see if his refill script for percocet was ready. It was ready, but they didn't know where it was. Maybe they mailed it to him? They don't know.

This is the 3rd time this has happened! I was so upset. How in the world can you mail a prescription for a narcotic and not make note of it?! It's irresponsible. Especially since he'd asked them not to mail it and that he'd come in and pick it up in person. So he asked them to write another script and if he receives the other in the mail, he'll send it back like he did before. Hopefully, if it's written, we would pick it up on the way home from work.

About 40 minutes into our commute to work, DH started experiencing waves of severe abdominal pain. It reminded me of what happened when he bled out last year, so I had him pull off on the Boonsboro exit and I switched to the drivers seat and drove him to the hospital. He called Dr. G's office on the way, since he'd administered the capsule test just 2 days before. We were concerned that the pill was stuck.

His receptionist told DH that he wouldn't be able to talk to him because he was in the middle of a procedure, but as soon as he finished, he'd return the call.

When we pulled into the Emergency Room parking lot, I was astonished to see that someone who had a brand new red corvette decided to double park in order to protect their little treasure. I was sooooooooooooooooo mad. I'll touch on that later.

DH sat down as soon as we got into the waiting room. The triage nurse popped her head out the door and asked him if he needed help. He said he didn't know that he was waiting for the doctor to return his call. The pain was too unbearable, though, so he went on in to get registered.

Dr. G called back and I took the call in the waiting room. A security guy shooed me out the door while I was talking. I thought it was okay to be on the phone in the waiting room...I'd seen lots of people do it before. Anyway, Dr. G told me that when he glanced at the capsule endoscopy results, he noticed that there was never evidence that the capsule left the small intestine. He told me that he would review the entire photo collection and that he wanted the E.R. doctor to contact him as soon as DH was completely checked out.

Before the doctor even did his examination, Dr. G called the hospital (I didn't even know he remembered the name of the hospital) and told the doctor some really promising news.

Unfortunately, that news was different when it came out of the E.R. doc's mouth than when it came from Dr. G.

Dr. G told me that he had found a diverticulum. I asked him if he saw it and he told me he did and that he's 99.5% sure that it's a Meckel's diverticulum. He told me that when it gets irritated and inflamed, it can cause a stricture, or a narrowing in the intestine, which meant that while there was most likely no blockage, it would prevent the capsule from passing because the opening was too small.

After a CT scan was performed they saw the capsule sitting about 2 inches from the end of the small intestine. The E.R. doctor said that it was a strange place for a Meckel's diverticulum to be located.

Hmm...I sure think that I should trust the opinion of the G.I. doctor that specializes in that sort of thing over the E.R. doctor's opinion.

Anyway, the pill is definitely still trapped inside of DH's small intestine. The question is now whether or not it will pass on its own. We spoke to a surgeon and he said that he's able to perform surgery on DH this weekend if he needs it. The G.I. doctor at the hospital wants to see Dr. G's report before they dig in.

That makes sense. But they made it sound like if the capsule passes on its own, they won't do anything and he'd have to keep living life the way he has for the last 3 1/2 years. In pain.

Dr. G seemed so sure that he definitely has a diverticulum and that it would sure explain all of the complications that he's had. He said that he could go into the new year pain-free and living the rest of his life pain-free if they remove it.

I so want to go back down to Baltimore and have Dr. G handle this. He seems to truly care and I really think he knows what he's talking about.

Right now we're just waiting. DH will have an x-ray done in the morning to see if the capsule has moved.

While we were waiting in the E.R., I pulled out a scrap piece of paper and wrote a nice little note to the driver of the corvette that double-parked. I'm sorry, but a hospital parking lot is not the place to be selfish, especially since the parking lot was packed.

I wrote,

I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE OR HOW MUCH YOUR CAR IS WORTH, BUT YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO TAKE UP TWO SPACE IN THE PACKED E.R. PARKING LOT! SOMEONE'S SPOUSE COULD'VE DIED INT HE E.R. TODAY AND BECAUSE YOU SELFISHLY TOOK AN EXTRA SPACE FOR YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE CAR, THEY COULDN'T SEE THEM FOR THE LAST TIME BEFORE THEY DIED! HAVE A HEART! HAPPY HOLIDAYS.

SINCERELY,

THE WIFE OF AN E.R. PATIENT

I know it was a bit dramatic, but I was seriously upset that someone could be so stupid. The driver of the car was lucky he'd left before I did because I definitely would've left the note on his windshield. I've seen people get upset at ambulances in a hurry that make the driver lose their green light. People don't think. I can't wait until the driver of that corvette is in the middle of an emergency and can't find a parking space because someone just like himself was stupid and unnecessarily took up two parking spaces. And the lady that got upset at the ambulance that I was in while my husband nearly died in the back will one day be in the same situation and her spouse won't make it because of someone just like her who decided to go ahead and take that green light.

I'm not saying I want those things to happen, but they need it to happen to see just how rediculous they are. Then maybe they'll be a little more considerate to the fact that there are other people in this world who may have a time of need.

[/steps off soap box]

I guess I'm done. That's all that's going on.

I was supposed to go to my dad's side of the family Christmas get-together tomorrow, but I'll miss it, obviously. I'll drive down there to drop off our greed gifts and then I'll head back up to the hospital.

It doesn't look like I'll have much of a new year's, but if someone can just fix my husband, I'll be the happiest person alive. No Christmas or birthday present could beat the gift of health after watching some I love be so sick for 4 years. If there's ever a time when an organ donation from me will save someone's life, I'll donate in a heartbeat. I know the devastation of suffering.

I guess I should close. I need to go wash some clothes to take with me to the hospital in the morning.

Pray that it really is a diverticulum and that he can have this surgery, please. This can be life-changing.

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