Things aren't looking good for the driving quiz. I don't know about you, but I went to take it I thought, Oh I'll be a whiz at this only to be blown away when I saw that I failed. DH was the same way. He only got one more question right than I did. Needless to say, he was not happy with the results.

We're in the middle of another paycheck dry spell. The timing for this one is really bad. I'm not nearly finished my Christmas shopping yet and we have no money. :( I guess I could give people their gifts after Christmas (that would make it even more special, right? Christmas after Christmas!)

The weather is finally acting the way it's supposed to. It was 29 degrees when we left for work this morning. We just need it to snow a little bit.

Yesterday I went to my church's Christmas banquet. It was held at the same place where my wedding reception was held. It was great to see everyone, but most people didn't even recognize me. That was a little depressing. It made me realize what it felt like to be a brand new visitor to the church and to have everyone ignore you because you're not in their little comfy group of friends. The only thing I've changed is my hair, really. People told me that I was so grown up now. One lady told me that marriage has been good for me because I looked beautiful.

My mom made a big deal about my new piercing. She said that she couldn't even look at me. I think she was embarrassed. It's funny. I was raised in a Southern Baptist church (where a lot of the people are very judgemental, whether they admit it or not) and no one even commented on the piercing. I couldn't even tell if they even looked at it. My family, of course, had no problem telling me how weird it was.

I know it's not natural to have piece of jewelry in my nose, but it's not distasteful. My mom said it looked bad because I was so lovely without it.

It's hurtful how the only people who ever tell me I'm ugly is my own family. The only time my mom's ever said that I looked good at all was yesterday after she told me that she couldn't even look at me.

I love my mom, but of everyone I know, she's been the most hurtful. Before I got married, I was gradually removing myself from the activities in the church because I knew I wouldn't be coming back very often. She called me a pew-sitter and she told me that I wasn't doing what God wanted me to do. Who is she to tell me what God is or isn't telling me to do?

Is someone who comes to church to only listen to the sermon any less of a Christian than someone like myself, who was the pianist, in the choir, in the praise band, in the hand bell choir, and a teacher for VBS? Some people may find that it's their role to participate in everything that happens in the church. Some people may find that their role is to attend the morning service. I won't be the judge of what is or isn't the right amount of involvement in the church. That's between the individual and God.

Not the individual and my mother.

Anyway, I was very hurt by what she said yesterday. If she makes a big deal about it in front of my family for our Christmas get-togethers, I might just leave. I shouldn't have to be subjected to that in my own family.

Changing my outside appearance will not change who I am inside.

I've been thinking about laying certain friendships to rest. I just don't seem to have the time or energy to talk to all of the people who I've known and loved. I see these people living lives without me...and they're happy. So why intrude?

I'm feeling really depressed today.

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